A Good Idea So Long As They Don't Catch Me, Part 1

When I was in high school, there were some guys in the dorm that I didn't like. I didn't like them because they harassed me. I probably deserved it, as I took every chance to harass them. It was a Reagan-Gorbachev thing. They would yell at me for waking up with bloody noses and walking to the bathroom at three A.M. and I would walk over to their doors and bleed on the floor in front of their rooms. It was nothing close to fun, but it mollified my mean streak.

I pretty much despise fish that smells like a fish market. I find that smell nauseating. One day for lunch we were having fish filets and I took one and wrapped it tightly with paper napkins. They had adhered pretty well due to the grease coating and I walked out the door with my weapon. It was a fairly warm day in April in western Massachusetts and the target had his window open. The top part was pushed down and formed a three inch platform with the bottom part. These windows had no screens and the second floor was a tough shot from the ground. The blinds were drawn and I figured this would help my dastardly plot. It only took two carefully made tosses to get the fish filet on the window. It landed with a little wet thud and stayed up there for about a week.

I checked the window ledge every time I heard the occupants come back from class. I was outside when I heard the yells, "Goddammit, where is that fucking smell coming from? I heard tossing and turning over of many objects and more yelling as the two maroons blamed each other's dirty clothes for the pungent aroma of rotting, greasy fish filet. Which now smelled wuite foul when the wind blew right. I was laughing to myself and sitting on the rocks across the road from the window when they finally raised the blinds. The fish filet showed incredible aptitude for espionage by falling off the ledge when nudged by the rapidly rising blind. Those bastards never knew what caused the smell.

In a fantastic twofer, the freshman that lived below them had a frightening night listening to raccoons fighting over the nasty remains of my partner in crime. Don't fuck with me, you'll lose.