In all seriousness, "playing beer pong and porking babes"? This sounds more like a lonely high school sophomore whose sole source of social interaction stems from his DSL connection. Poor kid probably doesn't even know DSL stands for...sigh. Now, if he had said, playing spades, drinking forties and stroking bitches, then I could have believed that he had actually done any of those activities.
But seriously, who says pork anymore? Slapping the salami and bopping your balogna went out with the '80s. Even the 'hot beef injection' is getting old. I was thinking maybe we could try out something related to Ron Popeil's rotisserie oven. Fuck it and forget it? Nah, too derivative. What about a euphemism related to Mathew Lesko's free money books? Free money to masturbate!
Sounds like a new Pepsi Challenge!