Friday, May 16, 2008

I Might Be On To Something...

I bet that if I wrote a movie about three brothers that were the owners and sole employees of a landscaping company and had Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, and Gerard Butler as the stars, speaking with their native accents, I would make a killing. Literally. Women would explode while watching this movie.

Incidentally, I think I know a woman who already has her tickets for the Wolverine movie.

One Friday night while I was still working at the video store, a couple of recently single women, or married women on a ladies night, came into the store looking for a movie to watch with a couple bottles of mediocre wine. They wanted a movie that was entertaining but not too girly. There was something in their voices, something that tickled the dark reaches of my mind.

I pulled Beowolf & Grendel off the shelf and said, "it's a little gory and a little odd, but it does have Gerard Butler running around in a loincloth or shirtless for most of the movie."

"Who's Gerard Butler?" they asked.

I pointed to his picture on the back of the box and they both said, "oooohhh" like they hadn't had decent sex for longer than should be legal.

The next night when one of them returned the movie, she slid it across the counter as if it were some illicit substance, looked me in the eyes, and whispered, "thank you." By the time I recovered, she had left.

25 comments:

dontEATnachos said...

I can't disagree with you on this. I was at my aunts house last weekend and saw a startlingly high number of Harrison Ford movies (with some Lifetime movies mixed in).

porterhouse said...

When I was a sophomore in high school I worked at the snack bar on Saturday nights. Every weekend a very attractive senior girl would come in at 10pm and ask for a thick mocha chip frappe (shake) in a very sultry voice. We always fought over who got to make it.

mdhatter said...

Then she went back to her husband?

Sir Tucker, Wangslayer of Orange?

billy pilgrim said...

You sure have a good handle on beefcake, Chuckles.

You sure you're not gay?

Chuckles said...

Hey when a hot lady wants my help relaxing with some wine and a movie, I will happily step in. Or up. Or wherever.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Good for you, C-dawg!

Swiftyjess said...

What amount of time constitutes longer than should be legal?

Von said...

But, why do I want to go see a movie that at some point I will explode while watching it? Are you trying to kill off the for some reason? I'll stay home and read a book.

Von said...

But, why do I want to go see a movie that at some point I will explode while watching it? Are you trying to kill off the for some reason? I'll stay home and read a book.

billy pilgrim said...

Von, your comment reminds me of the Chicken Lady:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YwnAdT9I_o

Chuckles said...

BP gets it.

Von said...

I really don't know how to respond to that. Nor can I respond to why my dumb ass posted the same comment twice.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Double the pleasure, double the fun, V?

Von said...

:) Something like that AG!

Manager Mom said...

My favorite girl-appeal quasi porn would have to be Two Moon Junction with Sherilynn Fenn and the guy who was the bad guy in Kindergarten Cop. Try recommending THAT one to the next lady that comes in...

Kathleen said...

Hugh Jackman doesn't really do it for me, as far as beefcake goes. Christian Bale is a little better, but still not really ideal.

Gerald Butler though .. very inspired choice, actually, Chuckles. He's not a household name.

I hope you have a lot of these stories stored up for when we are eating Ethiopian food in June.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Now the truth comes out -- K-Unit is coming to visit Chuckles but not AG.

It's OK.

Another time I guess.

Von said...

Is K-Unit coming to visit me?

Adorable Girlfriend said...

That is THE question, Von.

Shannon Erin said...

Come visit us, K-Unit! We'll have fun!

Chuckles,
Where or where have you gone?

Von said...

I want AG and Chuckles to come and visit us also. I'll make breakfast :)

Kathleen said...

Actually, I AM coming to visit! More details to follow soon!

Adorable Girlfriend said...

I will come. I need a vacation and someone to take care of me.

Chuckles said...

VON wants to make me breakfast? Well shit. That makes once.

teh l4m3 said...

Damn! I forgot "Everybody Wang Chuckles Tonight" even existed, so focused was I on my months-long Google image search for "Gerard Butler naked".

Oh, and you're welcome.