The Push

My tendons flex and ache, the muscles retort painfully to my insistent ministrations. The letter and conversation ring loudly in my lobes, bouncing around my skull. I trot down the narrow trail and concentrate on my footing while I attempt to force the distracting thoughts from my conscious mind. Breaking out into the dim light of the wider path, I run as fast as I can through the tall weeds and thorny bushes. My feet catch on vines and I nearly stumble. I push forward, faster.

There is no breeze. There are no birds. There are no bugs. There are no planes crashing through the sky. The highway noises are muted. There is only the letter and conversation, shaking for attention, while my mind calms and my body pushes faster. The only wind I feel is an ephemeral zephyr created solely by my strange desire for more speed.

The letter was pleasant and polite. A material response to my hopes at last. Despite the crushing disappointment it carried, the letter was a response, which is an improvement. I run on.

I measure my time by the distance between telephone poles. I pass the third pole and keep running. The fourth and fifth pass before I notice. I stop at the sixth and walk for the seventh. My parents' voices rise above the pounding of my heart and the intake of breath. They worry, this is only natural. They will always worry. I will always give them reason to worry. The tide of our relationship is controlled by a cycle of security and uncertainty that I feel powerless to change. Security seems too close to comfort, and comfort is far too near settlement for me to enjoy. Uncertainty brings adversity and chaos, inspiration. I run until there is only the overgrown trail, the encroaching darkness, and me.

A Few Things Before I Wander Off Again

Work has become interesting again. You must be wondering, "how interesting, Genius?" Interesting enough that I am wearing office clothes to work again instead of a t-shirt and shorts. I have done a lot for the office, but most of it has just been the standard stuff for my position. The two real contributions I have made have been equipment. I stubbornly refused to follow my boss' order to stop researching credit card machines and have purchased three for the office that have already saved of tens of thousands of dollars in transaction fees and temp costs. I have also purchased booth lights that help us in our exhibit space at the conferences. Both of these things have helped the company look more professional at our conference and improved the quality of the experience. Also, they made me look good.

We are going through a rough patch at the office and the CEO has been out on "vacation" for the last two months and will likely be out until August. This leaves us in a tight spot since we need to start planning our conference. Also, our extra sales have been sagging badly. Our individual sales are down to 10% of 2005 numbers. I have wanted to get a full sales website set up since I started working for this company and now it looks like I am going to get my wish. I asked one of our design people about it and he directed me to our website designer. This project is going to be my baby for the next few months and when it is done, it will be a great revenue source and a fine point on my resume. Hell, it's only 10 more months until my next salary negotiation and this will be huge.

If it works.

People blather on about how every job is what you make it and blah blah blah. Maybe with the boss out and a new motiviation, I can finally cross #7 off my list of things to do before I die.

#7: Perform a succesful coup d'etat.