This is not the toast I gave, but the toast I wrote before I was convinced that this toast was better absorbed through the eyeballs than the auditory nerve. The actual toast I gave will follow on a later date. Following that, I may give a lecture on how to give toasts, depending on how these two posts are received.*
"There's been a lot of talk about the definition of marriage lately. *Pause for laughter* People have argued this til the boring end, and yet I do not stand here to speak about the definition of marriage. I wonder about the meaning of marriage. What does it mean for two people to stand in front of their friends and family and declare that they will be married. What does it mean in this world, in this time, for two people to be married?
We hear no end of suffering, we see no end to bloodshed, we see no peace among the disparate groups of humans on this planet. Misery seeps through our lives, infecting every aspect. Cynicism rots our core until we can no longer raise a hand in aid of another. What does it matter that two people wish to join their lives, to entwine their fates, in the face of such utter hopelessness, despair, and cynicism? What can we do as witnesses, but bear the silent burden?
Bear with me, folks, this does lead to a point. * Pause for nervous laughter.*
When two people stand up to be married, they are defying the naysayers, the broken ones, and the fearmongers. Two people who love each other enough to stand in front of those they value most in the world to say "I love you, and will hold your heart above all else in this world" are expressing defiance. Defiance in the face of despair, hope in the face of suffering, and romance in the depths of cynicism.
Marriage is the ultimate rebellion. Marriage is punk rock. Marriage is a middle finger held up to an uncaring universe. Marriage is a defiance of the unending wave of terror that floods our lives from all directions. Marriage is a beacon of warmth, love, hope, and romance in a threatening world, and we witnesses will always be ready to remind you of this day. This day when you stood in front of all the people who matter to you and said, "I love you, and take thee to be my partner in all things."
* Received has always looked like a misspelled word to me.
Showing posts with label babes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label babes. Show all posts
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The Needs of Commitment
People are odd little creatures when you look at us. We insist on some sort of dualistic relationship when our closest living relations are polyamorous poo-flingers, hanging out in the jungles all day trying to get laid. Which sounds only slightly more civilized than any bar on ladies night.
Back to our own peculiarities, commitments and committed relationships are odd for primates and yet we still hold that these are the highest and most noble of all relationships with any being other than our Divine. This seems to work out pretty well for most Americans, regardless of the government's interference, and I have no objections to this system of relating. I do have a problem with those who abuse this system to the detriment of others, specifically my detriment.
If you're in a committed relationship, you had best make damn sure that you understand and respond to the needs of the other. You are also responsible for ensuring that your needs are properly communicated. Because I am sick and fucking tired of wasting my A game with women who aggressively flirt with me and grab my interest and then flounce off to their lump of shit on a sofa that they call honey.
Case in point: I am sitting at work, minding my book, when a cute blonde with twinkling eyes walks by and harasses the shit out of me for my choice of book. I'll paraphrase:
Her: Look, friends! This man is an asshole! (Waves at me) He is reading a book that offends me, thus he is an asshole much like the man I am with but without tonight!
Me: Who the fuck are you that disturbs my quiet reading of this amusing book?
Her: I am one who disturbs and demands you justify your actions!
Me: I see no material reason to justify anything, but you are attractive and I am just arrogant enough to condescend and say, your opinion of me is worthless.
Her: How dare you ignore my reprobation!?
Me: Quite easily, shall we discuss this at length at another time of our choosing? Give me your number and you might convince me of my error.
Her: (Stares at me in amazement, before smiling briefly) I sniff in disdain at you.
Then the manager seats them in my section. The witty banter continues, I was using Classic Gambit #3: Asshole Who Reveals. She smiles, and winks at me at the end of each brief session of repartee. This went quite well until she accidentally mentioned a "Jimmy." Being no fool, I recognize immediately the significance of "Jimmy" and cease the contest. As she leaves, I ask her to say hi to Jimmy for me. To which she gasps, gapes, and blushes.
Fuck you, Jimmy. You aren't giving her what she needs, so she ventures out and takes it from those innocents willing to speak with her. She is almost as bad as you because she stays with you without communicating her needs, or despite your obvious lack of regard for her. So fuck you, Jimmy, and the horse you rode in on. Fuck you, your parents for not teaching you, and fuck your grandparents for not slapping your parents when they saw what was happening.
One final note: if you're gonna give a fake name, don't hesitate and break eye contact while you think, and then slowly say, "Starla?" I can not respect bad liars.
Back to our own peculiarities, commitments and committed relationships are odd for primates and yet we still hold that these are the highest and most noble of all relationships with any being other than our Divine. This seems to work out pretty well for most Americans, regardless of the government's interference, and I have no objections to this system of relating. I do have a problem with those who abuse this system to the detriment of others, specifically my detriment.
If you're in a committed relationship, you had best make damn sure that you understand and respond to the needs of the other. You are also responsible for ensuring that your needs are properly communicated. Because I am sick and fucking tired of wasting my A game with women who aggressively flirt with me and grab my interest and then flounce off to their lump of shit on a sofa that they call honey.
Case in point: I am sitting at work, minding my book, when a cute blonde with twinkling eyes walks by and harasses the shit out of me for my choice of book. I'll paraphrase:
Her: Look, friends! This man is an asshole! (Waves at me) He is reading a book that offends me, thus he is an asshole much like the man I am with but without tonight!
Me: Who the fuck are you that disturbs my quiet reading of this amusing book?
Her: I am one who disturbs and demands you justify your actions!
Me: I see no material reason to justify anything, but you are attractive and I am just arrogant enough to condescend and say, your opinion of me is worthless.
Her: How dare you ignore my reprobation!?
Me: Quite easily, shall we discuss this at length at another time of our choosing? Give me your number and you might convince me of my error.
Her: (Stares at me in amazement, before smiling briefly) I sniff in disdain at you.
Then the manager seats them in my section. The witty banter continues, I was using Classic Gambit #3: Asshole Who Reveals. She smiles, and winks at me at the end of each brief session of repartee. This went quite well until she accidentally mentioned a "Jimmy." Being no fool, I recognize immediately the significance of "Jimmy" and cease the contest. As she leaves, I ask her to say hi to Jimmy for me. To which she gasps, gapes, and blushes.
Fuck you, Jimmy. You aren't giving her what she needs, so she ventures out and takes it from those innocents willing to speak with her. She is almost as bad as you because she stays with you without communicating her needs, or despite your obvious lack of regard for her. So fuck you, Jimmy, and the horse you rode in on. Fuck you, your parents for not teaching you, and fuck your grandparents for not slapping your parents when they saw what was happening.
One final note: if you're gonna give a fake name, don't hesitate and break eye contact while you think, and then slowly say, "Starla?" I can not respect bad liars.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Radness at 4000 Wisconsin Avenue
Everybody in San Francisco, LISTEN UP BITCHES!
Night Watch is so freaking cool, I had to call my mom and smack her long distance. That movie was so neat, it inspired me to write my own crappy White Wolf crime movie script last night. This phenomenon is so awesome it sucks the awesomeness right out of you and leaves you a shattered husk of nerdy lameness, lamenting your lost imagination.
On a final note, San Francisco is one of three cities in the whole freaking country to have a theater playing the movie. It is playing at the Metreon and if you don't go see it, call me and I will rely the entire plot and quote some shit and then you will kill yourself because you have missed a great movie and had to listen to me rub it in your face. Night Watch is so ubiquitously neutronian, I have to make up words to describe how cool it is. The director and writers can probably wander around the streets of Mockba* AND GRAB HOT BABES AND JUST PORK THEM ON THE STEET because this movie is so good.
*That's Moscow to you and me, bitches, oh yeah, I'm going all kazakhy on your asses.
Night Watch is so freaking cool, I had to call my mom and smack her long distance. That movie was so neat, it inspired me to write my own crappy White Wolf crime movie script last night. This phenomenon is so awesome it sucks the awesomeness right out of you and leaves you a shattered husk of nerdy lameness, lamenting your lost imagination.
On a final note, San Francisco is one of three cities in the whole freaking country to have a theater playing the movie. It is playing at the Metreon and if you don't go see it, call me and I will rely the entire plot and quote some shit and then you will kill yourself because you have missed a great movie and had to listen to me rub it in your face. Night Watch is so ubiquitously neutronian, I have to make up words to describe how cool it is. The director and writers can probably wander around the streets of Mockba* AND GRAB HOT BABES AND JUST PORK THEM ON THE STEET because this movie is so good.
*That's Moscow to you and me, bitches, oh yeah, I'm going all kazakhy on your asses.
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