Friday, June 20, 2008

The Beast Within

My brother calls them the wolf hairs, the dark hairs that grow out of strange places or hairs of unusual length from otherwise normal patches. Eyebrows begin to lengthen as the old hairs fall out and are replaced by bizarre cilia that loom over and menace the remaining hairs, as if these mere hairs were but lonely, sarcastic, video store employees. I believe there may be frequent exchanges of milk money.

There are the other patches of wolf hairs. They creep and crawl and slither their way across my body. I recently conducted and extensive survey, utilizing all of my archaeological and primatological techniques, and was amazed and frightened by the results. While I am not Greek, I find myself contemplating forgoing sweaters in the next winter season.

There are odd patterns in the patches. If I stare at them too long, I begin to notice scripts and symbols. I can almost make them out. I think that one is a star and then that one might be a ... oh no.


Mendacious D said...

Everything goes better with Jon Spencer today.

There's a book called "Hairs in the Palm of the Hand" about British schoolboy antics that contains the following exchange:

"Hairs in the palm of the hand is the second sign of madness."
"What's the first?"
"Looking for them."

Also, lay off the brown acid.

The Uncanny Canadian said...

Chuckles, I have those too. But the ones that freak me out even more are the mutant blonde hairs that grow to an infinite length. I plucked one off my leg the other day that was at least ten inches long. They are super thin and I'm super oblivious, so I frequently don't notice them.

teh l4m3 said...


PS WTF is up with republic of clogs?

Von said...

Look! A sailboat!

Adorable Girlfriend said...

It's broken, teh teh and Res needs to get off his tuckus and fix it!

Chuckles said...

UC, holy shit! I get those too! They are so weird!