I have some funny stories to relate at some point in the coming, supposedly unbusy weekend. I have the feeling that I have forgotten something that I said I would do this weekend.
Our Top Stories for the Six O'Clock News Hour:
The Funny Story About the Pittsburgh Greyhound Station JAG Officer, the Genius, and the Old Man Who Dated a Hermaphrodite.
The Funny Story About the Cute Girl on the Greyhound Bus Who Hit on the Genius Because She Wanted to Cheat on Her Lying Husband with As Many Men as Possible in One Weekend, Or Why I Started Turning Down Offers of Sex.
The Funny Story About the Thing I Did One Time That I Can't Quite Remember at the Moment.
A Celebrity Dream Cameo That Also Heavily Featured Zombies That I only Half Remembered.
Stories of Guitar Hero.
Another One About a Thing.
A Celebrity Dream Cameo Featuring Me and The Narrator From E! True Hollywood Stories.
A Story About the Patriarchy and How It Affects My Penis, Or A Not-So Funny Story About Going to the Doctor's Office.
Incidentally, I went to the Doctor's office to start the ball rolling on having some guy I've never met before grab my balls and possibly stick something up my bum. Some firefighters on TV told me that it was pretty important to have some random person check out your prostate. Physicals are fucking weird, man. That's not all I have to say about that. Any time an M.D. says the word "syphilis
" around me, I am going to flinch, even if it is in the sentence, "While we're screening you for everything else, let's toss in a syphilis screen as well." Now, I have no reason to be alarmed about any STD or STI because I am a careful dude like that, but while I have insurance, I figured I would take advantage of it and because I thought I didn't have enough to get neurotic about and thought I would throw in some scary fucking tests. There's a couple of jokes in there and some genuine nail-chewing.