Wednesday, October 10, 2007

My Holiday Wish List

All I want for this year's non-denominational, secular, winter holiday1 is a TITAN MISSILE BASE. Available for an easy 1.5 million dollars, this is a steal. That is cheaper than Tuck a l'Orange paid for his house last summer and this base has enough room for a viable community during the zombacolypse.2 I would dig a 15 foot high concrete wall with a walkway and 10 foot dry moat with a french drain around the perimeter, providing me with 25 feet of protection from the ravening hordes. The french drain would feed into the property to help with crops. I just need some hydroponics in the basement as a back up and at least one engineer to help with the solar and wind power rigs. And enough smart and able people to create a viable society. And some extra ladies, just in case. Just doing my part to close the mineshaft gap.

1 Preemptive strike in this year's War on Christmas! Launch the Teen Titan Missiles!
2 That is my phrase, you thieving cobag t-shirt companies. I will sue the shit out of you with my team of robot lawyers if you try to print that on a shirt.

11 comments:

Adorable said...

I hope ole Tuck doesn't see this. He doesn't want you talking about his house. He's a Christmas celebrater you know.

Von said...

what is a french drain?

mdhatter said...

Don't you mean a freedom drain?

also, the water you drained might be a wee bit toxic. Military sites have a long history of contamination. Better to keep it out of the mineshaft.

I know some about solar stuff. Count me in for 50 bucks.

Chuckles said...

For water storage, I would convert one of the missile silos into a cistern. The french drain would just be for the soil.

A french drain is a porous topped pipe that absorbds water and funnels it away from an area. They are frequently used around the edges of basements and foundations to prevent flooding.

Von said...

Thanks for the definition. I will walk in a walk-a-thon type fundraiser to raise funds for this well thought out gift.

Snag said...

Do "smart and able people" include paper pushers or am I going to be scrabbling outside your walls?

Kathleen said...

yay! I am an extra lady! bite on that snag.

Chuckles said...

Snag, you're fine. Your kids, on the other hand...

Kathleen, I love it when women volunteer for my various cultish ideas.

Snag said...

A cult. Nice. I am extremely okay with that. Can I be a high priest?

billy pilgrim said...

Does it come with a missile?

Because a zombie-proof lair with first-strike capability is just what you need to apply for Evil Genius, Junior Grade. It also should come in handy should the Tucker-Chuckles brouhaha escalate into a conflagration.

I'm not technically an engineer, but I learned enough to be able to rig the gantries that you need. Plus, I'm experienced with Earth Shelters. And I can do the lighting and Interiors in a pinch.

Chuckles said...

You're hired, BP.